On Wednesday November 25, 2009, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women will be observed globally. It is the day when people around the world take time to highlight and bring to the fore the need for continuing action to eliminate violence against women.

Violence affects the lives of millions of women worldwide, in all socio-economic and educational classes. Violence against women does not discriminate.

Many women are not aware of the many forms of abuse and are of the false belief that if they are not being battered and bruised physically they are not being abused. Among the many forms of abuse are: Emotional or psychological abuse - which is just as damaging as physical abuse. It erodes the victim's feelings of self-worth and independence and includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behaviours are also emotional abuse. Abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence and very often carry through on them. The individual who is emotional abused may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without the abusive partner they have nothing.

There is sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is any situation in which the victim is forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity.

Economic or financial abuse is another form of violence against women. In this instance the abuser will use money to control the victim. According to the Coalition Against Domestic Violence, some signs of economic or financial abuse include:

- Rigidly controlling your finances;

- Withholding money or credit cards;

- Making you account for every penny you spend;

- Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter);

- Preventing you from working or choosing your own career;

- Sabotaging your job (making you miss work, calling constantly); or

- Stealing from you or taking your money.

Domestic violence is about power and control. Your abuser makes a conscious decision and a deliberate choice to control you and he will use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert his power. It is important that women know and are able to recognise these tactics, alerting them that they are in an abusive relationship. Among the tactics that may be used are:

- Dominance - Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.

- Isolation - In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.

- Threats - Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to children and Family services.

- Humiliation - An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.

- Intimidation - Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.

- Denial and blame - Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behaviour on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abusive partner may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility on to you: Somehow, his violent and abusive behaviour is your fault.

For those individuals who are not victims of domestic violence you have a responsibility to help those persons who are victims. Abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. Abused and battered women are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and even confused.

They need help to get out, but they are often times isolated from their family and friends. If you are alert to the warning signs and offer support, you can help them escape the abusive situation and begin healing.

-daviena@hotmail.com